[He just kind of...turns that over in his head a bit.]
We're like that because we don't really get to have a whole lot of feelings. You get that, right?
[She...might not get that, and that idea kind of weirds him out a little.]
Shit changes when you have to kill people for a living. You know how everyone here yells about how they don't want anyone to die, they don't want to kill anybody? We don't get to feel like that. Maybe some of us start out that way - when I first started work, I was kind of praying that I wouldn't ever have to actually murder anyone. That someone else would get it for me, that I'd just be backup or something, that if I had to kill it'd be self-defense. But you find out pretty fast, if you have to be a soldier, that that way of thinking is bullshit. You're gonna have to kill people, and you're gonna have to get really good at killing people really fast, and you're going to have to get even better at not feeling like shit about it or you're going to fucking die.
You don't get to feel anything when you're on the battlefield. You get real good at shutting your feelings off and just doing whatever it is you have to do to stay alive. And after a while, it gets harder to turn 'em back on, and then you stop bothering and you're just kinda stuck like that.
A lot of the time, it's not being fatalistic, it's that we seriously don't feel anything.
no subject
We're like that because we don't really get to have a whole lot of feelings. You get that, right?
[She...might not get that, and that idea kind of weirds him out a little.]
Shit changes when you have to kill people for a living. You know how everyone here yells about how they don't want anyone to die, they don't want to kill anybody? We don't get to feel like that. Maybe some of us start out that way - when I first started work, I was kind of praying that I wouldn't ever have to actually murder anyone. That someone else would get it for me, that I'd just be backup or something, that if I had to kill it'd be self-defense. But you find out pretty fast, if you have to be a soldier, that that way of thinking is bullshit. You're gonna have to kill people, and you're gonna have to get really good at killing people really fast, and you're going to have to get even better at not feeling like shit about it or you're going to fucking die.
You don't get to feel anything when you're on the battlefield. You get real good at shutting your feelings off and just doing whatever it is you have to do to stay alive. And after a while, it gets harder to turn 'em back on, and then you stop bothering and you're just kinda stuck like that.
A lot of the time, it's not being fatalistic, it's that we seriously don't feel anything.