⚔ // once upon a dream

[discutio]

[You all know the drill by now. Ignis and Camilla have taken over the nearest kitchen, and there's going to be food in the Pokemon Center soon enough; a warm and comforting vegetable curry. Highwind's even out now, welcoming any and all who might need a large cloud bird to hug after everything that was.]

[It's been a long night. Everyone needs a good meal and a long rest, and luckily one of those things is being seen to immediately.]

Comments

[eudaimonikos]

Decency and mutual respect.

[Michael lays a hand on his chest, staring dramatically into the middle distance.]

My god, what have I gotten wrapped up in?

[semistableman]

[Okay, he can't entirely stay serious. He snorts before he can put his serious face back on.]

The first step of getting out of a cult is acknowledging you are in a cult.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh - I'm in too deep. You'll have to go on without me.

[semistableman]

I can't do that! We've gotta stick together and flee.

[eudaimonikos]

You're too kind, Bucky. Literally - it must be your cult conditioning. There's only one solution.

[.....]

We've gotta have a comedy roast.

[semistableman]

Must be.

[At the suggestion, his grin spreads across his face.]

Who are you going to roast first?

[eudaimonikos]

Hmmmm...man, I wish I'd had time to prepare. I'd hate to let everyone down - you know, like Cynthia did!

[heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

also demonic comedy roasts are more along the lines of "just really mean personal attacks made on a stage"]

[semistableman]

[Well.

He can't exactly dispute that, can he?]

You could always find a room and lock yourself inside of it to practice.

[eudaimonikos]

...too mean?

[All joking aside, he knows there's a line somewhere between funny and mean. It's one he can't really see a lot of the time, but that doesn't mean it's not there.]

[semistableman]

Maybe a little.

[Bucky is firmly on Team Cynthia, though, so he shrugs a little.]

Humor's pretty subjective, though.

[eudaimonikos]

Boy, don't I know it. I don't say like, half the jokes I think of.

[because they're all MEAN and he KNOWS his sense of humor is like that]

Did you know we actually invented the comedy roast? Pretty much the only thing you could call a traditional demon art form. Our weird karaoke doesn't count, humans made karaoke. Anyway, you pick someone, and then everybody takes turns saying the cruelest thing about them they can think of. Gotta be true, though, or it isn't as hurtful.

[semistableman]

[That. Makes him laugh a little.]

Aren't they supposed to be funny?

[eudaimonikos]

Ehhhhh...humans have a different concept of humor.

[aka, the blatant cruelty is the funny part]

[semistableman]

Demons sound like an interesting bunch.

[This is 100% a genuine comment. It's not like Bucky has problems saying otherwise.]

[eudaimonikos]

That is a morally ambiguous term, yes!

[semistableman]

I'd go with "diplomatic", myself.

[eudaimonikos]

However you want to put it, you're not wrong. You know the most popular song in Hell?

[.....]

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

[semistableman]

[Bucky laughs.]

Now you're definitely joking. There's no way that's actually a song.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh...oh, my god. Bucky. Your faith in humanity is astounding!

[He puts a hand on Bucky's shoulder.]

I'm sorry to ruin it for you. Quaver, play Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer!

[GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEEEEEEEEEER~!]

[semistableman]

[Yeah. He's got nothing. All he can do is just sort of stare between Michael and Quaver because what the hell.]

When was that song written?

[eudaimonikos]

1979. There was a 2000 animated children's movie based on it, too. It's actually worse than you'd think!

[These are the trivia facts you get from an immortal with an eidetic memory and a weird set of interests. Also, he sounds delighted about the movie.]

We play it at parties sometimes, and in certain torture departments. Wanna hear the entire plot?

[semistableman]

A children's movie.

[That definitely sounds like torture to him. The song was bad enough.]

If I say no are you going to tell it to me anyway?

[eudaimonikos]

Haven't decided. Make your case.

[semistableman]

I think I can guess what the children's movie is about from the song's lyrics.

[eudaimonikos]

[Michael grins.]

Cousin Mel poisons Grandma via a slice of fruitcake, which causes her to get run over by Santa's sleigh, in an elaborate plot to inherit the family store when she dies and sell it to an evil CEO who hates Christmas, because she also hates Christmas. She's also very greedy. Those two are basically the same thing here.

But Grandma survives and gets amnesia, so when she's found at the North Pole - because Santa just kinda took her with him, as one does in a hit-and-run - Mel kidnaps her and frames Santa for that crime and also all the previous ones. Then it turns into a legal drama for a little bit, until they find Grandma again and restore her memory by feeding her non-poisoned fruitcake. She flips on Mel, Mel goes to prison for obstruction of justice and hating Christmas. Somehow completely gets off on the kidnapping and attempted murder, it's very odd. And then Grandma accidentally eats more poisoned fruitcake and gets run over by the reindeer a second time.

Was that what you were expecting?

[of course not because THIS SHIT IS BUCKWILD]