azume | with knowledge comes great responsibility

with knowledge comes great responsibility

[What an absolute ordeal all of that was.

Today was certainly one hell of a day, that's for sure; they've managed to take care of another Guardian and gain it's trust (or at the very least, something resembling it), they managed to find Candice and manage to...well, maybe not get her back in a state that's altogether wanted, but ensure they managed to get her at least into a place where she could possibly regain herself. It will likely be a process, as such things are, but they've done their best, and they should have no regrets.

The center is definitely going to be a welcome reprieve for all of their suffering, at the very least. The Kompot is certainly more than enough to likely get everyone warmed back up and in a stable condition, along with the copious amount of blankets the locals have provided. They've got the time to rest and get ready for their next adventure.

Rest well, ye merry band of travelers. You've earned it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Only slightly.

It's hard to make out partially because it's quiet, but mostly because it's erratic. As Camilla gets closer though, if she strains her ears she'll sometimes be able to make out a sharp hiss of air too quick to be the wind, and a faint rustle of plastic.]

[...Hmm. Camilla purses her lips a bit at that--she really isn't sure what to make of the plastic noise, but the hiss of air gets her protective measures to go up, if only slightly.

Her steps become...quieter, as she goes further in. They're more careful, as to try and mix with the wind and not alert whatever is going on. It might not be the best, but she's going to try to get closer, to see if she can make more out.]

[Well once she gets close enough to peer around the back of the building, the source of the noise will be obvious. The rustling noises are coming from a plastic grocery bag propped against the building, weighted down by whatever's inside it but its handles left to flutter in the wind.

The other noise, however, is coming from a person, and that person is (1) one sobbing teenager. Rin is crouched along the bushes on the backside of the building here, with her face in her hands. She makes little noise but her shoulders are visibly shaking, and her hands don't obscure the fat teardrops dripping from her chin.

...gold star for good instincts?]

[...Yeah, guess it is a good thing that the big sister instincts override all else. For once in her gods forsaken life, anyway.

There's...a bit of contemplation, there, once she finds the source. Rin's always been a little standoffish, if a touch prickly, maybe. But at the same time...well, she came out all this way...

Camilla takes a step forward.]

Rin...?

[Rin visibly startles, like she didn't hear Camilla coming, but doesn't lower her hand. Instead she ducks her head with a harsh breath, probably trying to hide the rest of her face.]

Don't.

[Don't what...? Talk to me? Come closer? Maybe all of the above and then some, it's hard to say. That single word is choked out, and the best she could manage without her voice shaking.]

[...Rin, that's only going to make her more worried. You just went and played yourself, you realize that, right.

Camilla takes a step closer.]

...You look terrible, dear. I can't simply just leave you here.

[She could, but she's not fucking cruel.]

It's fine.

[It is definitely not fine, and her voice cracks saying that, but at least she's not telling Camilla to go. Probably hoping for that, but she seems to have decided the best way of getting out of this situation is pull herself together as quickly as she can.]

I'll be— [Her voice cracks again, but she disguises it with a harsh sniff, swiping at her nose.] I'll be inside in a minute. You're sick; you shouldn't stay out here.

[She just needs to stop crying. Dammit, why can't she stop crying?]

I don't believe you, Rin.

[It's...soft when she says that, though, and she goes a little closer. Her steps are tentative, mostly just trying not to potentially set her off.]

...You don't have to face whatever is bothering you alone. Because it's quite clearly hurting you enough to make you cry.

[She doesn't make to go closer. Not yet.]

[Even if she desperately doesn't want to be in this situation, she's not going to bolt even if Camilla comes closer. Her reactions can be extreme sometimes, but she's not so childish. It's not an insistence to do everything herself that makes her want Camilla to leave, after all.

It's shame. Hot shame and misery, to be caught crying like this. And having Camilla say something like "it's clear you're hurting" just makes her cry more, chest tight and painful.

She can't stop her tears, but she closes her mouth harshly, refusing to let any sound come out. Scrubbing at her face, she reaches down by her side to move the shopping bag out of the way; making room for Camilla to sit next to her, if she's going to be so insistent.]

[Camilla will take the offered seat easily, though she doesn't make any noises to show her satisfaction or otherwise. Really, this is about Rin at this point, and what's causing her so much distress. Camilla isn't...really sure what's making it worse, really, but Rin has someone here.

She doesn't know if it'll help. But it's something. She speaks softly.]

...Is it what happened today, dear?

[...that's probably a given. Like Rin and Jake will talk about later, everyone in their group seems kind of fucked up after today. In this moment, though, which part specifically set Rin off is hard for her to express. At first it seems like she's going to refuse to respond, but after several seconds there's a loud sniff.]

It's ridiculous.

[Her voice is high and watery, bitter when she laughs once at herself. Knees pulled up to herself, she folds her arms over them and lowers her head to rest in the space that creates there.]

I just couldn't stand thinking about her.

...Candice..?

[You know, somehow she...didn't expect Rin to be so upset about that. She seemed so well in control when Candice was waking up, issuing solid advice and orders--she would have never expected that the girl would strike a cord in her so much.]

...I don't think that's ridiculous, at all, Rin.

[Rin shakes her head, refusing that notion. Her voice is quiet, muffled by her arms.]

...I was walking back this way, and thinking to myself of her condition. She's in bad shape, but she'll recover quickly. She won't be the same person, but she'll be able to live a normal life.

[Her voice catches on a sob, and there's a long pause. Her fingers curl in tighter, where they're holding her arms and when she speaks again, it's in an even smaller voice.]

I'm happy for her, but that... It made me angry.

[It's ridiculous.]

[...Oh.

That's...okay, Camilla's not altogether sure how to tackle that, really. It sounds like Rin should be happy for Candice, really, because what would suggest otherwise? But...why would it make her angry? That's just gotta mean there's something else, right?

Camilla's been very cagey with some subjects of her own, really. She doesn't quite know if it's right to ask Rin such a thing, but...

She reaches out, calmly, and places one of her gloved hands on one of Rin's shoulders if she'll allow it.]

What about it made you angry?

[The touch startles her and she flinches sharply, head shooting up to spot the hand on her shoulder. She won't try to brush Camilla off, but she only slowly relaxes.

She's not... Despite the fact that she herself will initiate a hug with someone later, she's not used to someone physically trying to comfort her? She decides she's okay with that, but she has to look away, turning her head sharply to stare back down at her feet through blurry vision.

...]

It made me angry... [Still in that weak voice. Rin swallows and rubs at her nose, but manages to get the rest of the words out.] Because unlike Candice, my mother wasn't able to do the same.

[...Man, it. Probably says something that she doesn't really even react to that much?]

...Ah.

[Except for that. She. Okay, that makes some sense, honestly, about why that would cause her pain; someone else got the chance to recover and perhaps she wishes that her mother could be recovered the same way. That's reasonable enough.]

...Someone stole her away from you. Like the guardian stole Candice, but...she never had a chance.

No, she did. It wasn't... It wasn't quite the same thing.

[Rin is still crying steadily, but bit by bit she's starting to calm down. It's... nice to have Camilla here, she can admit. It doesn't feel like the other woman is looking down on her, like she would have expected.]

...Someone tried to kill her. The doctors were able to revive her, but she was never the same after that. There was too much damage. [...] She couldn't walk or take care of herself, and while she remembered who I was, she'd lost most of the important memories.

After two years, she died.

[Up until the final moment though, she held out hope her mother would get better. But even if you try your best, some people can't recover.]

[...Okay that's. Oh, wow, that's just worse?

That's like dangling a carrot in front of a starving person, just barely giving them the hope that things will change for the better, and just...ripping it away from them altogether. That's just...]

...That's unfair. That's...entirely unfair, that you held onto hope only to be given--

[She can't finish that. She really can't finish that, but despite the borderline confusion that was in her tone earlier, Camilla sounds angry? Genuinely angry.]

...I'm so sorry, Rin.

[...she's just miserable enough right now that hearing Camilla get angry on her behalf is a relief.

What she said before is still true; holding this against Candice is ridiculous. But to have someone hear her reasons and feel just as angry?]

It is. It is unfair!

[It's selfish, she knows, but Rin clings to that.

She's been tense this entire time and only holds herself tighter now, but having someone sympathize with her on this level just... Gah. The strain bleeds out of her, because this outlet is welcome. She's been crying for who knows how long (and in spite of her best efforts here, the waterworks are starting again), and she's tired.

Much later, she might feel terribly embarrassed for this (her mother has been dead for years), but just for a little while, she'll give in to her emotions.]

It is.

[Honestly, if this helps Rin...if it helps her get past these feelings so that she doesn't lash out--something Camilla doubts will happen, but would be prepared for none the less--then it's doing something. It's letting the emotions out and letting them ebb and flow.]

That cretin who tried to kill her--he stole her away from you, and life itself simply poured salt into the wound. It's unforgivable.

[The person who nearly killed Aoi Tohsaka is another can of worms altogether. Rin doesn't know who that person is. And honestly? She doesn't want to find out, either.

It used to be she knew the story: her mother was a casualty of the Fourth Holy Grail War, she was told. But Kirei twisted so much of the truth of what really happened ten years ago that anything he said now has to be taken with a grail of salt.

She refuses to dwell on that man, though. If she starts to question the events of ten years ago more and dwell on what ifs, no good can come of it. It's all in the past, and would only serve to break her heart more.

And really, if they get started on the list of All the Ways Kirei Kotomine Wronged a Member of the Tohsaka Family™, they're going to be here for a very long time, so.

...is it okay if she just cries it out? There's more than can be said, but she doesn't have the words right now. All she wants is a good cry, without anyone judging her.]

[Honestly, go for it, Rin. Cry your little heart right out, girl.

Camilla's here for her.]

[Then that's what she's going to do, giving in fully to the emotion that grips her. The sobs shake her whole body, and without realizing it, she does lean in to Camilla a little, her shoulder brushing up against her.

Crying like that, she quickly loses track of the time, but it doesn't take long before she starts quieting down again; maybe a few minutes at most. Sniffing, she wipes at her face, which has to be completely chilled by now between the winter air and her wet cheeks.]

I'm sorry. [Voice hoarse, she doesn't sound ashamed this time. Just apologetic.] You have to be freezing, sitting out like this with me.

Rin, you needn't apologize to me in the slightest.

[If anything, Camilla doesn't seem to mind it at all--being the sort to lend an ear is her specialty as a big sister, after all, and the grip on Rin's shoulder becomes a little firmer to affirm that.]

...You've been holding onto that for so long, after all. I wouldn't dream of allowing you to rip yourself apart like this, dear.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

with knowledge comes great responsibility

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

how did i miss this wtf

It's all good!

no subject