Camilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anythingforyou) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
azume2018-07-28 08:48 pm
anythingforyou) wrote in azume2018-07-28 08:48 pm
with knowledge comes great responsibility
[What an absolute ordeal all of that was.
Today was certainly one hell of a day, that's for sure; they've managed to take care of another Guardian and gain it's trust (or at the very least, something resembling it), they managed to find Candice and manage to...well, maybe not get her back in a state that's altogether wanted, but ensure they managed to get her at least into a place where she could possibly regain herself. It will likely be a process, as such things are, but they've done their best, and they should have no regrets.
The center is definitely going to be a welcome reprieve for all of their suffering, at the very least. The Kompot is certainly more than enough to likely get everyone warmed back up and in a stable condition, along with the copious amount of blankets the locals have provided. They've got the time to rest and get ready for their next adventure.
Rest well, ye merry band of travelers. You've earned it.]
Today was certainly one hell of a day, that's for sure; they've managed to take care of another Guardian and gain it's trust (or at the very least, something resembling it), they managed to find Candice and manage to...well, maybe not get her back in a state that's altogether wanted, but ensure they managed to get her at least into a place where she could possibly regain herself. It will likely be a process, as such things are, but they've done their best, and they should have no regrets.
The center is definitely going to be a welcome reprieve for all of their suffering, at the very least. The Kompot is certainly more than enough to likely get everyone warmed back up and in a stable condition, along with the copious amount of blankets the locals have provided. They've got the time to rest and get ready for their next adventure.
Rest well, ye merry band of travelers. You've earned it.]
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...Then again, she did have good reason to worry, so he can't really blame her, either.]
Un. I am pretty sleepy...even then, I can't really sleep...
[He glances at the window he was leaning against, watching the snow gently fall.]
...A lot...happened. I can't really stop thinking about it.
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Would you like a distraction, then? Or would you prefer to talk about it.
[He has all of the bench, but if they're going to chat like this she might as well sit. She lowers herself to sit on the floor next to his bench, folding her legs neatly. She should have thought to grab a blanket for herself when she came back in from outside; maybe there's an extra one she can snag close by.]
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[He'd screw up his face in concentration if it didn't hurt his head to do so.]
...I don't know. A lot of things happened that I'm not used to seeing...I can't wrap my head around it. It all feels fuzzy.
[It's not just that the concussion makes his thoughts blurry. Sena can't help the feeling that his brain just doesn't want to rationalize all that happened. Doesn't want to acknowledge the dead, frozen corpsicles, the mindwiped gym leader, the cold and callous deity who had simply been trying to do its best.
It's a lot.]
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In being raised as a mage as well, it was absolutely vital to never let anyone know such things bothered her. A proper magus would be unaffected by the things they saw today; not even the frozen corpses would make them bat an eye. Because of that, for almost as far back as she can remember, Rin was careful to never show her true feelings around others. If she talked about them at all, be it her own or someone else's, it was most often only to rationalize those emotions. So despite her outlook on life having changed in the last year or so, this is still new territory for her.
...at the same time, she feels she implicitly understands what Sena means. Today's events hit her particularly hard too, and just hours ago when she was with Camilla all she could do was cry.
Maybe today, just this once, she really gets it.]
If you just want to be upset, that's fine too. This isn't the kind of thing you should want to wrap your head around, so I won't try to explain anything that happened. And I won't judge you, either.
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[That assurance, that it's okay to just...feel, and not think...it's more reassuring than he expects.]
It just feels like...no matter what way you look at it, there's something wrong about it all...
[Sena would shake his head, but it hurts too much to even consider it.]
If...we had been faster...if we had come to this lake first...I know that's not a reasonable thing to think. Maybe things would have just gone more wrong.
[Maybe one of them would have gotten mindwiped instead. Maybe Azelf would have been recaptured, or even...
...There's too many things to talk about.]
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I know I promised I'd listen to your troubles, but that doesn't mean I'll sit back and let you blame yourself. If I did, it would be as good as condemning you for something you didn't do.
This wasn't our fault, Kobayakawa-kun.
[That won't magically ease his guilt; she knows that too. But it's something that needs to be said out loud before he continues further. Sena already said he knows it's unreasonable; she's just reaffirming that notion.
If he needs to tell her how guilty he still feels despite that, it's fine. She just refuses to entertain the idea that guilt should rest on his shoulders.]
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...Yeah. I know. There's been... [How to say this? How to say this in a way that doesn't make it sound like he's trivializing it all, making it sound like just a game? He knows it's more than that, but at the same time, he doesn't have anything else to compare it to. Uxie has...made him more than aware of that.]
There's...always been times where I haven't been fast enough. And I would just...get up, and keep going, and somehow things would keep moving on. And I guess...things are the same here, but is it really wrong to think that way? Because of the times that you just...can't?
[Like Uxie said. There will come a point where you just...can't simply come back and try again. That point of no return.
What happens then?]
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[She can't help but think Shirou would be better able to emphasize with Sena if he were here. Saber, too. This isn't the kind of subject she's given much consideration to, before...
Rin looks away again, back across the Pokemon Center. There are memories that don't belong to her playing in her heart, and in that space, she imagines her pulse sounds like the gears of a ticking clock.]
It's incorrect... But it probably isn't wrong.
[There's a difference.]
It depends on how much you let it weigh on you. If you're not careful, you'll be stuck, and those feelings could swallow you up like quicksand.
If you feel disturbed after seeing the things we did today, though, that just proves how human you are. And that's important. When people get older, sometimes they lose sight of that. It's easy to see so many horrible things that you become jaded and numb.
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It's wrong, but it's...not wrong...?
[He doesn't get it. He really doesn't get it.]
Getting stuck, though...that's something I'm not very good at, I think.
[If he was the type to get stuck so easily, he wouldn't constantly be getting faster, would he? He wouldn't be learning more, pushing forward. That's not the type of person he is.]
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She didn't mean to, but even though she was trying to be reassuring, Rin can't say she's surprised. Her personality is like that; she knows she's too blunt for her own good sometimes.]
Then you shouldn't worry about it.
[Trying to correct her earlier blunder, Rin gives Sena a gentle smile.]
You have a soft heart, Sena. I'm saying that's a good quality. It's okay to both want to move on, yet not forget.
So long as you don't burden yourself with every "what if" or give in to despair, you can keep going. It's not even "moving on", because you aren't accepting anything that happened today. You're just making it your drive to try harder, instead.
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[A soft heart? Saying it like that, that makes him feel a little weak, actually. Soft hearts aren't a thing you're supposed to have in football. (But isn't Deimon full of them? As much as Hiruma and the Ha Ha Brothers and everyone else wants to say otherwise?)]
That...doesn't sound wrong, no...I mean, that's what I figured I should do, I think...I just hadn't thought of it like that.
[He'd called it "moving on." But it's carrying them as motivation, right?]
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I'm not helping much, am I?
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[Noncommittal answer. He's not entirely sure yet.]
I'm not sure if you can really get help for this kinda thing.
1/2
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Sorry. There'll be no more unnecessary interruptions, I promise.
[If he wants to go on.]
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It's not...unnecessary. Helps.
[The smile he gives is small and pained, but genuine.]
I can gather my thoughts a little, when we're talking...