Camilla (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anythingforyou) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
azume2018-11-10 08:58 pm
anythingforyou) wrote in azume2018-11-10 08:58 pm
ღ you know i'll take you to another world
[...Well, if nothing else, this trip to Giratina's World has been enlightening if nothing else. Even if everybody just kind of found out nothing that they really wanted to find out, nobody had to die tonight, and frankly, that was enough.
This has to be one of the oddest places to do their usual 'after near death experience' parties, to say the least, but food is generally one of the better cures for such a thing and will be seen to, one way or another. Even in this weird, weird world.
Rest easy, everyone. Even in...quite possibly the most uneasy place known to man.]
This has to be one of the oddest places to do their usual 'after near death experience' parties, to say the least, but food is generally one of the better cures for such a thing and will be seen to, one way or another. Even in this weird, weird world.
Rest easy, everyone. Even in...quite possibly the most uneasy place known to man.]
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Didn't know what else I was supposed to name him.
[Jake.]
I don't know. My dad was obviously about twelve of the craziest people alive, but my thoughts on the guy are kind of complicated.
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[...she's honestly trying to decide if she's amused by this or not, but she's. Trying to be somewhat respectful. Dear gods that poor Tangela, though.
...Still, outside of. That. There is a bit of a disconnect, there, since she's...not really of that same understanding, but...]
...Impressions and the like always do tend to get a little less...black and white, when there's family involved. Especially when you've never truly seen them for yourself, but have only seen the after effects.
[And others impressions are influenced by them is something unspoken, there, but it's. Still very, very there.]
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[...]
I'm a lot like he used to be. I get told that a lot, that I remind people of my dad, probably before he went crazy. The more I hear about him, the more I feel like I know him, you know?
[Mm.]
I guess I miss him. It's fucking stupid to miss someone you've never even met, and I get that, especially when they were such a fuckawful person. But I do anyway.
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...I...think I understand. At least on some level. All you have to go by of your father is what people tell you, what you remind them of...it makes you lament the fact that you never did get the chance to meet him, right? That perhaps...maybe, if he were still around, something could have changed for him?
[She's. She's trying, at the very least.]
...I can't say it's something I understand entirely, due to my own relationship with my parents being...well, rather fraught. But is that close to it, do you think...?
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I don't think sticking around would have changed anything - he was a pretty fucked up guy, apparently there were all kinds of reports about his head being messed with as a kid. So I don't think having a girlfriend and a kid that he probably couldn't even care about would've helped him any.
[...]
Can't say I don't think about it sometimes, though. If shit would've been different if he'd stayed. I know it would've been for us - my mom would still be alive, for one thing.
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...oh. Camilla's hand covers her mouth, but the shock is...probably extremely apparent.]
She...
[...Somehow, inwardly, this explains a lot for Camilla. A lot about why he's just...he's been in that life for so long, because. Well, what can one do when there's nothing left for them? She can't help but feel somewhat horrified as the puzzle just...kind of comes together.]
...Perhaps it...would have. [She looks away a little at that.] Perhaps things could have been better, for all of you.
[She's not entirely sure how much of this is within her right to say, really. Honestly, she feels fucking terrible for him.]
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It's not like he murdered her, and she didn't...decide to die over him or anything. It's just that she was...
[vague...gesturing. he hadn't really understood it at the time, and he's not too sure he understands it now.]
She was really sick all the time? I've had to take care of her since I was a little kid. She always tried to do right by me, though, and she couldn't afford treatment 'cause she had me.
[...It's probably closer to "they were destitute and she couldn't afford treatment, fullstop", but that's always how he's seen it. She could have afforded it if she didn't have to pay for him to stay alive, too.]
She liked to talk a lot about what it would be like when my dad came back. She said he was rich, working for the military overseas. That maybe he'd take us back to America with him someday. No more poverty, no more medical bills, no more missing him because he wasn't around. He'd take care of us and everything would be great. Only that never happened, so I took up work to help pay for things. It just...wasn't enough.
So now here I am, and I'm fucked up and both of them are dead.
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...She. Generally assumes, anyway.
That shock doesn't...quite diminish at all, nor does the sympathy or anything like that--really, if anything it...makes sense. It's fucking terrible? Really, what is there to think, other than that the circumstances were horrific? It's sad and anger inducing, but it's...really just in the past, and there's really nothing that can be said or done about that. And it honestly kind of sucks to think about.]
...You got left behind, just...to try pick up all of the pieces of everything that happened.
[Honestly, it disgusts her on some level? Even if from the sounds of it, the only one really at fault here was his fucking dad. It's taking a lot not to be almost openly some combination of sad and furious with what she hears.]
Gods, that's... [What does one even say to that?] Even if things didn't change for the better with his return, it could have been better than it was. But even so, it's...you all deserved better from the godsforsaken world.
[...She neutralizes a bit after saying that, though, looking away and just kind of running her hand through her hair.] ...I know that doesn't help matters any, at all--it all must sound so empty, saying it like that. You've put up with that pain and all of the suffering and being out on your own for so many years, because of all that's transpired, and it's...
[...She doesn't wind up finishing that, if mostly because she doesn't know how to. But holy shit, he didn't deserve that. His mother didn't either.]
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[He isn't exactly sure how to say the rest of what he...wants to say without sounding like a total asshole, but he might as well try, he supposes - ]
...It's really good of you, you know. You're always out here trying to listen to us and stuff, even if you don't always get what we're talking about. It's more than a lot of people would do, it's actually pretty great.
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Camilla's look softens a touch, at that.]
Everyone deserves at least one person willing to try for their sake. [Camilla rests a hand under her chin, not exactly looking anywhere but out into the distance, really. She hesitates a little before speaking up again.] ...When one spend most of their life with no one but themselves to rely on, one starts wishing that perhaps...someone out there, would at least be willing to do such a thing. It's almost cripplingly isolating, otherwise.
[It's not an admission of weakness she likes to make, really, but...]
...I'm glad you think so, however, dear. [That gets a warmer, more focused smile.] I know I can't understand everything perfectly, nor to the same extent. But I can at least try to picture it, and if that much helps even slightly...well, I'm glad to continue providing that assistance.
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[...]
You know we're here for you too, though, yeah?
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[Camilla's hands go back down to her sides, and she feels her two-headed friend bop their heads against her hand as she moves to pet them a bit.]
But it helps that I have so many wonderful individuals here to remind me of that. [...She chuckles a bit, brightly--the next bit comes out almost clearly in a manner that's a little too sugary sweet, but in a joking manner.] Including my sweet little brother.